I have noticed that many people fall into the trap of a self-created image. We gradually construct an idea of who we are, what we deserve and how others should perceive us. Over time, this image can become so strong that we begin living for it rather than living according to reality.

You are what you are. You cannot be artificial about it. There is nothing wrong with aspiring to become better, more successful or more accomplished. But there is a difference between having aspirations and creating an imaginary version of yourself and then trying desperately to live up to it.

When the image we create is far removed from reality, we start chasing a mirage. The more we chase it, the farther it moves. Eventually, the gap between what we believe we should be and what we actually are creates frustration, disappointment and sometimes even a sense of disgust with ourselves and the world around us.

I have also seen how constantly comparing ourselves with others makes this trap even deeper. Comparison often obliterates our capacity for self-introspection. We look at another person’s success but rarely look at the struggles, sacrifices, failures and years of preparation that may have gone behind it.

We see the success, but not the tools behind the success.

This leads us to draw completely wrong conclusions about why somebody has succeeded. Instead of trying to understand and appreciate the qualities that contributed to another person’s achievement—discipline, perseverance, knowledge, courage, patience, ability to take risks or simply years of hard work—we often attribute success to factors that fit our own imagination.

We become superficial in our assessment of others. We start believing that someone succeeded because of luck, connections, privilege, circumstances or some other convenient explanation. Sometimes these factors may indeed play a role. But assuming that they are the whole story allows us to avoid the more difficult question: What can I learn from that person’s journey?

This habit is particularly dangerous because it prevents self-improvement. If I convince myself that another person’s success has nothing to do with his or her qualities and everything to do with external circumstances, I have no reason to examine my own shortcomings.

The healthier approach is to remain grounded. Know yourself honestly. Recognise your strengths without exaggerating them and acknowledge your weaknesses without being ashamed of them. Aspire, but remain realistic. Learn from others without becoming obsessed with their lives.

Every successful person has a story that is usually much more complicated than what we see from the outside. We should make an effort to understand that story before judging its outcome.

Most importantly, we must resist the temptation to create an artificial image of ourselves. You are what you are. Accept it, understand it and work from there.

There is great freedom in being comfortable with reality. Once we stop pretending to be someone we are not, we can devote our energy to becoming someone better.

We should stay away from the trap of the self-created image. It can turn life into a continuous chase after a mirage—and leave us frustrated at the end of the journey.